She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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