just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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