So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
