well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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