and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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