i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
