I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
