Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
