we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
