I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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