Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
