I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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