your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
