i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize