i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
