dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
