I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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