I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This house was built for laser tag.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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