But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
