Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
