all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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