Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
