hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
