Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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