Do you still have your period?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
