Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
