I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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