I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
