You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
