Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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