her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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