Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
