I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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