dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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