the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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