I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
