And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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