Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
