she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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