Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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