Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
