I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize