after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize