brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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