Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
