U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
