haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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