I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
