There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
