So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
