My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
