1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
