It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize