I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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