you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
