$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
