I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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