Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
