You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize