Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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