I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
