i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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