apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
