I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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