I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
