I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
