you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
