i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize