i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
