You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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