you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
