is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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