PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
