the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
