I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just google imaged poop.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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