dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
